Ridiculously Awesome - Link "Punks with Smart Phones"

My sister has a blog too and it is pretty awesome. Follow the link below to read something that I think is worthy of Things That are Ridiculous.

Punks With Smart Phones

The Bible Explains Dinosaurs

Yes, my friend and I watched this documentary.

The dinosaurs lived with man, that's why they talk about it in the bible. They just say dragon instead. And dinos were totally on Noah's ark, just the baby ones though. That is why they fit. The fossil record? That is from the flood. Logic people. If you would like to learn more (you can make awesome drinking games out of this documentary) Click Here

I would explain how absolutely crazy this is, but I don't think I even need to say anything. If you don't believe in evolution you need to be slapped by a gorilla.

Also, plesiosaurs are awesome.

Pronounced Pleasey-o-saur

Ridiculously True

Ridicoulously Funny - Target Women

If you've never watched Target Women, you are missing out. This one is hilarious and about women and their feelings toward pooping. So much shame, so much shame.

The GOP War on Women

My Refrigerator

Sen. Barney Frank likes to say that Republicans are all for smaller government-small enough to fit into a woman's uterus. So it is. So it is. For some reason, 2011 has gotten especially crazy with the war on our reproductive rights.

Rep. Mike Pence (IN-Making us look bad) introduced a bill to the house that would effectively eliminate all funding to Planned Parenthood, cause, you know-they do abortions there. They also provide affordable and/or free basic health services that are essential for women. If you have ever been poor or uninsured-you know how awesome Planned Parenthood is. What this bill suggests is that if your daddy ain't rich-fuck you and your uterus. This legislation would never pass the Senate. Even more terrifying is the move on the state level in Indiana to deny all funding to Planned Parenthood. Read More Here Sometimes I really hate Indiana. 

Shit gets crazier though. Like in South Dakota, where they wanted to make it legal to murder someone in defense of a fetus. When does that even happen (they should do it on Days of Our Lives)? It was obviously trying to say it was ok to kill doctors who preform abortions. Crazy. In GA a piece of legislation was introduced which would make miscarriages subject to legal scrutiny. You would have to prove that there was no human involvement in the miscarriage. What the fuck? Really? Really? Who is going to enforce that? Dr.-"You are having a miscarriage. You'll need a D & C and then you must talk to the police and prove you didn't kill your fetus." (More Here) Oh yea, Republicans also want to cut funding for WIC (Women Infant Children's). So yea, babies are important until they're actually born-then fuck you, get a job and pay for your own food! 

The truth of the matter is that since birth control the ability to control when we become pregnant has empowered women to focus on other areas of their lives-like education and careers. So, we don't really need a man working and supporting us while we sit at home, constantly pregnant. That reality really threatens a lot of (Republican) men, who are desperately trying to limit a woman's control over her own reproductive health through the law. Threatened by the rise of a lot of bad, bad bitches. I bet they have nightmares about Hilary Clinton. She should become a Dr. and start preforming abortions. I bet Mike Pence's head would explode. 

If you make it harder for women to prevent and/or end unwanted pregnancies you are asking for a lot more situations like this. Watch Cider House Rules or some shit. Damn.

Click Here for a little comic relief from John Stewart on the issue.

Ridiculously Funny - Trailer Park Boys

I LOVE Trailer Park Boys. I think it is by far the funniest TV show I have ever seen.

I have maintained for some time now that the perfect man for me is some mixture of the three main characters:

Julian

Ricky

And Bubbles.
Throw a college education in there and that is the kind of man I like.

Advice in Women's Magazines

I read a lot of women's magazines. Don't worry, I don't spend money on them. I merely find them at the gym and read them while I work out. It's interesting, to say the least and everything should always be taken with a grain of salt.

So, I'm on the stationary bike, reading all about men in Cosmo. These articles love to dissect men and their behavior and this particular one was about why he is mean to you when his friends are around.

That's just how him and his guy friends mess around, the article informs me. He just wants you to feel included and like one of the guys. Don't get mad, let him have his fun! He is trying to be nice. So, yes ladies, if one or more of his friends are around, it gives him free reign to call you a worthless slut, fat ass, etc. He is just being nice! It isn't verbal abuse, stupid bitch!

Really, it's not okay for anyone to be mean to anyone else ever. Sure, there is such a thing as good natured ribbing (I'm not a humorless bitch), but if both people aren't having fun, it can no longer fall into that category. It's kind of offensive for a woman's magazine to give me the advice of "be a doormat", cause I guarantee you GQ is not telling men the same thing.

T's Advice - If someone is a dick to you, be a bitch to them. 

Ridiculous Dance Party - Super Bass

I describe my feelings towards Nikki Minaj as simultaneously liking her and being violently annoyed by her. My littlest sister showed me this song though and I dig it.

My favorite part is "That's the kinda dude I was lookin fo' and yes, you'll get slapped if you lookin hoe." Sing it and think about your crush.

Ridiculous to Think About : Your Jersey Shore Roommate?

Admit it, you watch it. Or you've seen a few episodes. Or your friends talk about it all the time. You at least know the characters. If I lived in that house (I know, a dream, I'm way too pale for the show) and had to pick someone to share a room with, I would pick Snookie.

She is slightly more human than the rest of the cast of the show. For the record, I would also share a room with this guy:

Ridiculously Awesome - Betelgeuse

Easy to find and interesting. The amateur space buff's dream - Betelgeuse. Located in the constellation Orion (it's his left shoulder), it is the eighth brightest star in our night sky. Astronomers keep a close eye on this red super giant. Betelgeuse is massive enough that when it burns out, it will supernova. And that could happen soon.

Of course, soon in astronomical terms could mean millions of years. At 640 light years away, it would take us 640 years to find out when it does supernova. Recently, news sites blew up with the report that Betelgeuse was rapidly losing mass (one of the signs of an impending supernova) and that it could explode SOON. Like 2012 soon. If it did happen, these stories promised, we would have 2 suns for awhile, like some Star Wars shit.

However, Tatooine was located in a binary star system. Like if our sun had a best friend star right next door. Betelgeuse is 640 light years away and while scientists do say that it would be visible during the day time for some weeks should it supernova in our lifetime (still pretty awesome), it wouldn't be like having two suns.

Thankfully, Discovery Science has done some debunking...........

Why do you hate Canadian Geese?

 

It's that time of year again. Spring. While people profess to love it so much and take great joy in leaves returning to the trees and animals returning from where ever the hell they go in the winter, I seem to just hear a lot of bitching about Canadian Geese. 

I know, I know. Your gated community or apartment complex has a pond.  There is this drainage ditch right on the side of the road by Nordstrom. All of this is fine, until the geese move in. Then they are everywhere. They poop and squawk and won't get out of the way of your car! Horrible creatures.

Here is the truth: We move in and take over natural habitats for many, many animals. We are all trying to survive, including the geese. Stop acting so indignant that there are animals outside. It really makes you look like a fuckwad. 

Plus, their babies are adorable, so don't be an asshole about it.

 

Kanye West.....period

What is wrong with this mother fucker? While he makes SOME decent music, he is the biggest asshole in the entire world. Most people dislike individuals who HAVE to provide their input on everything, whether welcome or not (I'ma let you finish but......). And as if he couldn't make me want to stab him in the eye with a pencil any more, he tweets this:

"an abortion can cost a ballin' nigga up to 50gs maybe a 100. Gold diggin' bi**hes be getting pregnant on purpose. #STRAPUP my n**gas!"

Um, I am not sure where he gets his abortions, but if you are paying "100gs" it ain't from Planned
Parenthood. Leave it to the king of dicks to imply that women get abortions for the money. It's a difficult and tragic choice. Suggesting that some how women make out like bandits from the procedure is the same as saying that people live large off of welfare. On what planet?

On a side note, mad props to the woman who told Kanye that his fetus cost "100gs" to abort. I hope you bought yourself something realllllllyyyy nice.

Oh and bitches can't get pregnant on purpose if assholes would just wear condoms. It goes both ways.

Men....and Pick up lines

I'm not the prettiest girl in the world. I'm rather plain. However, that does not stop men from talking to me.

I've gotten some doozies in my day. Once a man at a bar (go figure) asked me "What do men usually say to pick you up?" Yes, let me do your job for you. Perhaps I can make it even easier and just get in your car and take off my underwear. Dumbass. 

The grocery store seems like a better place to be, less obvious than a bar. But no. I once had a guy siddle up to me and begin discussing cat food with me. In detail. The food his cats would and WOULDN'T eat. It wasn't attractive at all. Get a manly dog or some shit. Don't tell me about your cat.

People can get creative too. This is the best. I went to WalMart (I know, it's like I'm asking to meet weird people) to do some cheap shopping. I'm shuffling through the aisles, doin my thing, when a man walking by kind of eyeballs me and my cart. You can tell when someone is about to say something to you. He started cheesing, inhaled and said "Hey ma, I see you have brown rice. Do you like your men like you like your rice?" I was stunned. Usually I have some witty come back, but I just stood there, slack jawed. I wanted to say "NO"! But would that imply I was racist? I definitely don't want to be viewed as racist. At the same time, I didn't want to encourage this dude. I think I just stammered a stream of "No...well, not always...sometimes, I have, but....."

Best Practice: Just say "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm a lesbian."