Tuesday, January 8, 2013

How to Be Poor

Alright, I am not that rich. My rent is a bit too expensive for me. I keep getting traffic tickets (fuckers) and Christmas is a drain. BUT I KNOW HOW TO BE POOR. Well, not super poor. I know how to be hood rich and fabulous. Here are tips:

1. Know what is expensive? Toilet paper. Know who gives it away for free? Your place of employment and plenty of restaurants. I advise you always take your purse with you to the restroom before you leave work/dinner and get you a roll. One ply isn't that bad. Trust.

2. If you have long hair-cut that shit yourself. For reals. No one notices if you mess up. If you got an intense style though, let the pros handle it.

3. Complain. All the time. I like to do it over the phone. Once I complained because I thought I saw weird stuff on a frozen pizza. I ate it anyway and they sent coupons for two more free pizzas. Always complain about fast food online. My sister has gone so far as to take down UPC codes at the store and then use them to complain for free stuff WITHOUT EVER BUYING ANYTHING.

4. Bring your own. Food. Booze. Whatever. I made it 14+ hours at a bar on Super Bowl Sunday and only spent like $30. I had snacks and sandwiches in my purse and booze in my backpack. I recommend getting a flask that isn't metal. Mine is glass covered in leather (from a thrift store) and won't set off metal detectors. Movies, sporting events, whatever. Bring your own.

5. Torrents. Free flow of information folks! If you need tips on how to download torrents so you don't have to buy DVDs or pay for cable- I got you. Hit me on the emails.

A few tips for you.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Heathen Shit

Are you jaded?

Things the GOP controlled House has stopped from happening:

-Signing the UN treaty to protect disabled persons
-Renewing the Violence Against Women Act

'Nough said without going into detail about all the other awful shit they've pulled. Know how I know they are stupid? They choose Boehner to be their speaker again.

Thursday, January 3, 2013


For realsies bitches. I know, the boys have it easy, huh? They don't get pregnant or have to become uncomfortable masses of sad once a month. Men make more than women for the same work. They kill us or beat us all the time. The media isn't trying to pigeon hole them into some skinny, stupid shell of a human. Plus, they can pee outside while standing and I won't lie, I envy that.

Know what though? Ladies, we have it easier masturbating. See, the boys have what is called ejaculate and it needs to go somewhere. (Hint)

But you know what girls, we don't need that! We can get off and relax.

The perks of being a woman.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Cause you need to understand love

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

-Dr. Seuss

Thursday, November 29, 2012