Online Dating

Online dating can be ridiculous. Like this guy who just sent me a note describing himself as a "semi smart guy". Really? Semi smart? I'm semi not interested. But EVERYONE is doing the online thing now a days. Seriously, people just don't talk about it. But I guarantee more than one of your single friends spend sometime on the interwebs looking for love.

The nice part is that with a click of a search button you can be like-let's see, no losers lacking a degree, no kids and no one shorter than me......search. That kind of control is great and something that is lacking in, say, a bar. Well, you can avoid short dudes, but most people don't walk around with their degree on their shirts. They should though.

But, no matter how many times you reiterate in your info that you require a college degree and no kids from a significant other, these people always message anyway. Probably because they can hardly read and their messages come out like -"Hey hottie, u seem relly kool. We shuld hang out sumtime. L8tr". WTF is that? Klingon?

The prevalence of total creepsters is unavoidable. I had this dude message me like 4 times in one day. He got no answer but he still continued to contact me. Message 1-You seem really cool, want to chat sometime? Message 2 - Would you rather chat online or on the phone? Message 3 - Here's my phone number. Message 4 - So, when would you like to chat?...........This dude wasn't even waiting for an answer. Obvious rapist.

It's also super easy to lie on there. Guys lie about height and how much money they make, because they feel like these things are directly related to their penis size. I bet ladies lie mostly about their weight, because it's how we do. I call myself "about average". I think that is true. And anyone who says differently-fuck you, because I wear one size smaller than the national average for women my age. BOOM.

I instantly reject the following people:
People who mention an intense love for Jesus, because I would just disappoint them cause I can't muster the same. Plus, I make too many Jesus jokes.
People with kids
Persons who don't have ANY photos they didn't take themselves (where the fuck are your friends and why don't they take pictures of you?)
Any dude that describes himself as shy at first-I'm not into coaxing people out of their shells. Been there, done that, boring.
Anyone who mentions a profound disgust of bars and/or drinking events. I'm not asking for someone to be an alcoholic, but I like to party sometimes. I can't be with a dude that's a bitch.
Dudes that don't like animals (suck)
Anyone who mentions how into working out they are and/or says they are interested in an 'active' girl-It ain't me babe, no, no, no..........

I highly recommend making a list of qualities that make a dude an instant reject. Not only for the online dating world, but so that you always know what you DON'T want and can keep an eye out for what you do.