Ridiculously Helpful - Elevators

Indiana

Is this the second time this week Indiana has been deemed ridiculous? You betcha. I am forever battling with intense love for my home state and major disgust caused by our politicians-on both the state and federal levels.

I'm on a lot of list servs. With the recent right wing attacks on women's rights, organized labor and public broadcasting, my Gmail account blows up all day with more emails urging me to take action. So, when an email hit my inbox from the Planned Parenthood Action Network, I almost didn't read it. Until I saw the subject line: Rep. Eric Turner: A woman "could simply say I've been raped....." Anyone surprised this is an Indiana State Representative? Me neither. Here is the text of the email:

Indiana House Democrats came back this week and the Republicans wasted no time in returning to their "social issues" agenda.  HB 1210 turned into a behemoth on 2nd reading yesterday.  Rest assured, the author carrying much of the language hasn't a clue what the bill will actually do here in Indiana. You may watch what happened for yourself: discussion begins at 01:19:00.  HB 1210 author, Rep. Eric Turner (R – Marion) seeks to ban abortions after 20 weeks and prevent abortion coverage under health care reform. This bill requires doctors to provide women with misleading and medically-inaccurate information prior to an abortion ("misinformed consent").  It codifies into Indiana law that "human physical life" begins with a fertilized egg. We could go on and on - 30 pages is a lot of lawmaking.  Our champions proposed numerous amendments aimed at reducing the immense harm it would do to the reproductive rights of women. Two amendments succeeded, including one offered by Rep. Terri Austin (D – Anderson) which would provide breast cancer screening coverage for all women.
When Rep. Gail Riecken (D – Evansville) argued for an amendment to make exceptions for victims of rape and incest, Rep. Turner asked his colleagues to vote against it because a woman could “simply say I've been raped” in order to get her abortion covered. 
It is unspeakably offensive. Rep. Turner’s statement is but one example of countless lies and hurtful words voiced by anti-choice members on the floor of the House. To hear this  unfathomable assault on women for yourself, watch the debate footage from 02:04:00 - 02:09:00. The mean behavior has to stop.  The patriarchal behavior has to stop.  

No shit the patriarchal behavior has to stop. (Mad props to Rep. Riecken, who introduced the bill and Rep. Linda Lawson (D-Hammond) for her impassioned response to Rep. Turner's assertion that women could lie about rape or incest simply to obtain an abortion-It's worth a watch at the link provided in the Planned Parenthood email-At about 2:01:00). The complete quote from Rep. Turner is: "I just want you to think about this, in my view, giant loophole that could be created where someone who could -- now i want to be careful, I don't want to disparage in any way someone who has gone through the experience of a rape or incest -- but someone who is desirous of an abortion could simply say that they've been raped or there's incest."

Way to be careful, you fucking low life piece of shit. The level of insensitivity is staggering. Staggering. If there ever was an inkling of a feeling that somehow these misguided lawmakers had the best interest of women at heart, it should be long gone now (really it should've long ago left you, but you never know). The message sent to me and my uterus was this-"Tough shit. You are just a babymaker. And you will have all babies-even the ones produced through rape or incest, because you are worth no more than your ability to procreate." Can't you just feel the misogyny washing over you and pissing you off?

I am not saying that it can't happen, but I agree with Rep. Lawson-Women do not make this up! Why force women who have experienced such violence and tragedy to carry their attackers babies to term? Oh, right, because the GOP hates women. To know that anti-choice legislation has a very good chance of being made into law makes me want to cry to live in this state.

Cook Books

I've been cooking a lot more lately. I look up simplish recipes online and try them out. I make a mean black bean soup.

So, today, I decide to flip through one of my cook books to see if I wanted to try anything out. I come to zucchini fritters with yogurt dip. I think, I would try that and begin reading through the ingredients.

2-3 zucchini, about 14 oz.
1 garlic clove, crushed
3 scallions, finely sliced
4 oz feta cheese, crumbled

At this point I'm thinking, that is just a quick trip to the grocery store. Plus, I'm always getting zucchini in the summertime for free from people's gardens. I read on:
                                            

2 tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley 

2 tbsp finely chopped fresh mint

1 tbsp finely chopped fresh dill

1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg

And I'm like screw this. What the fuck, where do you think I am? The garden of eden? Yea, let me go to my fridge......I don't have that stuff. And I know that stuff is not cheap at the grocery. Sometimes it kills me what some recipes call for. I found one that called for sesame seed paste. I wouldn't even know where to look for that at a store. Some of these ingredients go bad kind of quickly. What the hell will I do with a bunch of fresh dill? Cause I doubt they can sell you a tablespoon. 

I just can't be THAT domestic. It's too expensive.

Ridiculously Funny

So true....so true....

Heart Attack Grill

This is a real restaurant. Its menu features items such as the quadruple bypass burger and flatliner fries. All served by scantily clad waitresses dressed as nurses.

And the restaurant goes all out in glorifying all things unhealthy. It serves beer, soda and will sell you cigarettes. All patrons over 350lbs eat for free, which is tagged as the Heart Attack Grill Diet. They even had a 600lbs man who served as a spokesman for the establishment, until he died at the age of 29.

Discriminating against individuals who are overweight is one of the commonest and most acceptable forms of discrimination in our society. Most who don't have to deal with it don't even think twice about the way that plus sized people are treated in our society.

This restaurant is a response to that, embracing a physical trait that in other venues may be looked down upon. When society ostracizes you based on something like weight, the reaction is often times defiance, answering society with the proverbial fuck you. 

I get that, I really do. But I can't get behind an attitude that can kill you. Something like 2 out of 3 people in our country are overweight or obese. They had to change the name of adult onset diabetes to type 2 diabetes because so many young kids were being diagnosed with it as a result of poor diet and lack of exercise. Being overweight makes you much more susceptible to not only diabetes but to heart disease and cancer. And it can kill you, like the spokesman for The Heart Attack Grill, at the age of 29.

Just some things to ponder-Maybe eat a little healthier and be more conscious of your fat discrimination. Or do both......yea, do both.

Indiana

Sad, sad headline on Indystar.com today:

Marriage amendment clears first of 3 steps

Indiana has taken the first of three steps to ban gay marriage and anything like it (civil unions).

My favorite in defense of quote:

"Every child deserves a shot at a mom and a dad," said Micah Clark of the American Family Association of Indiana. "We believe children will suffer if we define marriage as either being two men or two women and not a mom and a dad."

What the fuck? How? How do they suffer? Not only is it insulting to families headed by a homosexual couple, but it is offensive to any of us that grew up in a nontraditional family. I guess I blew my shot when my dad died?  Kids deserve a couple parents or one great parent-no matter if they happen to be a man and a woman or two men or two women or one woman or one man. If it is all about the kids, why wouldn't the legislature focus on initiatives that would help kids out? Cause this law focuses solely on limiting the rights of adults.

Thankfully, it is the first of three steps that must be completed to achieve an all out ban. But, I don't have a lot of faith in Indiana at the moment. It is my sincere hope that the marriage amendment is never codified into law, but I just don't know if I can expect that level of tolerance in  my home state. I find that really sad.

Ridiculously Fitting

Sage Francis-"Jah Didn't Kill Johnny"
It's a tribute to Johnny Cash, but it is kind of a universal tribute to friends, here and gone.

Oversharers on Facebook

I'll try not to be too judgmental, I am all up on the Facebooks as well, but some people have a full blown obsession. We all have a few Fbook friends like this, the ones who share EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING they are doing. Example:

5:15- Jane Doe is on her way to Buffalo Wild Wings!
5:21-Jane Doe made it and is ready for some wings.
5:33-Jane Doe is thinking these spicy wings may be too much!
5:41-Jane Doe is really needing this beer after those spicy wings!

We all know people who do this. Facebook is a platform to share things with your friends (or with people who you used to kind of know who you only friended to see how bad they fucked up their life), but sharing can go too far. If you post this often, I question whether you actually have friends or if you just desperately need to feel like someone, anyone, cares what you are doing every second of every day.


Here is the WORST though: Browsing (stalking) an old friend's (alright, I never liked her that much) photos, I come across pictures of her in labor. Slightly horrified, I hurriedly click on to find...........a picture with her and her baby RIGHT after it is born. Like still blue and full of blood and other vaginal weirdness. WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO UNSUSPECTING VICTIMS? The pic before should've had a disclaimer-If you were hoping never to see a fresh out the womb baby before you saw your own, please do not click further. I've also discussed with others that some women put details of their labor, like how many centimeters dilated they are, as status updates.Gross.

Look, I am sure having a baby is great and maybe you think it is so great that you want to share it with your Facebook family. But, remember, half of your Facebook friends probably don't care and another good portion probably don't even really like you, so no one wants to get such personal details from you. Keep it between a close group of friends and family, old school style. Post a pic when the baby is actually cute and do us all a favor-keep some things secret. 

Ridiculously Awesome Quote

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.."
-Dr. Seuss in "The Lorax"

I can still recite a good portion of that book from memory.

Only the Good Die Young

One of my friends from high school died yesterday. Admittedly, not someone I had a lot of contact with the last couple years. But we were friends in high school and I had the biggest crush on him. I wrote poetry about him.

The suddeness of it is so jarring. When people are sick you have time to prepare, expect. Sometimes it all just ends in an instant. We are all so fragile.

In high school, when you are that young, you feel infinite, immortal. When I was 19, one of my best friends died when a train hit the bike he was riding. For the first time, it was right there in my face, mortality. If he could die, I could die. I used to lay in bed at night, shaking with the reality of it.

I skipped school with Michael. Smoked with him, partied with him, all those types of shenanigans. I cried when I heard he died yesterday. There is a special bond you have with people who knew you when you were still young and dumb. They can see how far you've come.

Today I am sending out good vibes to Chiddy, his family, best friends and girlfriend.

Remember not to take anyone for granted. It truly is here today, gone tomorrow.

Ridiculously......Something

 I'm cool with guns. More so than others who are similarly liberal.

I caught wind of this story and it cracked me up:

Hamilton Radio Shack Offers Free Gun with New Dish Network Service

 It's in Montana, so you can imagine the clientele and the reaction. The store owner said business has tripled because of the promotion. This is GENIUS marketing. I would totally get cable if I could also get a gun.

Of course, you still have to pass the usual background check and such. If you don't qualify or don't want a gun, you get a $50 Pizza Hut gift card. Everyone is winning here!

Also, this picture of a little girl with a gun is kind of weird. I love Google Image search.

Ridiculously Awesome Dance Party - Addictive

Truth Hurts feat Rakim - Addictive 

If you missed this song when it came out in like 2009, you are missing out. It's all about sex and kind of nasty but doesn't go too far, which I appreciate. It comes no where near something like say David Banner - Run (also a really good song when unedited).

Ridiculously Awesome Fun

I wanted to write a long post about homophobia, cause it is fucking stupid, but I lost some brain cells last night. And this still makes my point a little...........

Way to get your child involved. I hope that little boy ends up gay and hating that woman. LOVE-YOU ARE HATING PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY LOVE. That has nothing to do with my higher power.
Fuck people who hate gay people. Nuff said. 

George Lopez

I'm not a huge fan. Apparently he is funny. I don't know.

But on his show last night he made a joke about Kirsti Alley and a dance she performed on Dancing with the Stars that I really did not like:

"She did a nice job, her little hooves tapping away," Lopez said, comparing Alley to a pig. "Before the show she went to the market, then she had roast beef, and this is her going all the way home," he continued before cutting to a video of a pig squealing, from a recent Geico commercial.

From what I understand, she preformed a pretty amazing cha cha. But, that was all ignored to make a joke about her weight.

Women are constantly being reduced to their physical appearance. In the minds of some people, women are not worth more than their looks, like, you don't matter if you don't fit into some ever changing standard of beauty. Why is that so easy? So acceptable? To the point where all women struggle to be at peace with the way that they look? Either you are not the beauty ideal we worship and you want to be or you are that ideal and fear no one values you beyond how pretty you are.

I know, it was a joke. And I can take a joke. But, when I was growing up, my mom taught me that certain insults were "below the belt" and making fat jokes about someone struggling with their weight was below the belt. Obviously George Lopez's mom is not as awesome.

Fuck you George Lopez.

{Updated}
He apologized....on Twitter....on air would've been better. 

GOP Motherfuckers & Their Obsession With Your Uterus

 One of the articles on HuffPost today:
Anti-Abortion Bills Advance in Statehouses Nationwide

It makes me soooooooooooo mad. I shouldn't have even read the article. It lays out for you what some states are doing to restrict access to abortion. Many states are enacting laws that ban abortions after 20 weeks, in direct conflict with the Roe v Wade Supreme Court ruling, which allows for abortions up to 24 weeks.

The part about the bill that passed the house in Texas to force women to have sonograms and hear a doctor describe the fetus made my blood boil. The fact there is no exemption for rape and victims of incest....leaves me speechless.

Do these people have nothing better to do? I suggest addressing real problems like jobs, poverty, crime, rather than pass laws to essentially victimize and demonize women who seek a LEGAL medical procedure.

To these old, mostly white men, this is a real issue though. Oh my God, women can be not pregnant? Dangerous. I feel like these measures are evidence of the thinly veiled desire to 'keep women in their place'. Pregnant and at home. All of a sudden, women are not people so much as they are uteruses with the potential to produce people. But, you know, after you are actually here, fuck you. Republicans do a great job of protecting people before they are born and a spectacular job of fucking people over after they are born (unless you make a lot of money).

The decision to seek an abortion is a personal choice and it can be driven my a myriad of very personal problems. It is a very real and a very sad thing.

The article made reference to Danielle Deavers, a woman in Nebraska who was denied the option to terminate her pregnancy at 22 weeks when she learned the fetus would not live, because the laws in that state do not allow it. Think Progress posted a video interview with her a couple of weeks ago. It is about 10 minutes, but I think it is really worth a watch. These kind of laws effect and hurt people in a very real way. The government should in no way be involved in such heart wrenching decisions.

http://thinkprogress.org/2011/03/10/nebraska-abortion-law-tragic/

Ridiculously Helpful - World Map of Penis Size

 

Click here for a better copy of the map

Amazing....just in case you don't feel like dickin around (pun intended) with clicking to see the map better-the dark green color? Those are the countries where the biggest penises reside. Whose comin to Sudan with me? Haha, just kidding. But, seriously, anyone want to go to Bolivia?

I can't take credit though, Susie sent me this link.

Chris Brown

Chris, Chris, Chris. In case you have forgotten, Mr. Brown got into a lot of trouble and received a lot of negative publicity (rightfully so) in 2009 when he essentially beat the shit out of pop star Rhianna during a domestic dispute that took place in a car. He has been trying to repair his image since. And slowly, but surely, was achieving that.

One step forward, two steps back much?

Chris Brown appeared on Good Morning America this morning. During his interview with Robyn Roberts, he became pretty upset about questions that she asked regarding his arrest for the beating and about the recent relaxing of the retraining order that Rhianna has against him. Mr. Brown each time tried to move the interview and tone of the conversation back to focus on his new album. Here is the interview:

Apparently, Chris was pissed though. He stormed off set (mad props for waiting until they were off the air), reportedly breaking a window in his dressing room and refused to do his second performance on GMA. Reports say he left the studio shirtless, ala Hulk Smash - no kidding. He tweeted "I'm so over people bringing this past s**t up!!! Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for there bulls**t". He quickly deleted it.

I don't know why he was surprised. I am sure Brittany Spears still takes questions about shaving her head, like Lindsay Lohan would deal with drug questions and Charlie Sheen, if he lives, will field questions about his drug fueled 2011 breakdown. If you are famous, no one forgets this shit. Especially a dispute and beating as high profile as his was of Rhianna. You don't want to talk about it, you avoided the questions pretty well, did you really need to break a window?

This ain't helpin your image Chris Brown. Especially if you are trying to recharacterize yourself as a non-violent, role model worthy celebrity. It actually just reaffirms that you may not be someone who made a mistake, but you may just be a violent person.

And does it seem to anyone else that any time there is a black guest on GMA Robin Roberts interviews them?

Ridiculously Hypocritical

The Republicans have been extra vocal lately on the need to scale back government spending to get the deficit under control. Defund Planned Parenthood, defund NPR, defund childhood nutritional programs (WIC) and no more subsidies for heating the homes of the poor.........these are all things, that according to Republicans, most especially the Tea Partiers, are unnecessary for the Federal government to fund and are adding to a ballooning deficit.
I have my own opinions on the funding of those programs, but-agree to disagree.
What KILLS me is that the same elements in this country who are championing the scaling back of these programs in the name of deficit reduction are the same people who are supporting military action in Libya. In a CNN poll released March 18 (Click here):

73 percent of Tea Partiers and 78 percent of Republicans support the NFZ (no fly zone) -- they're by far the biggest supporters of the strategy.

Where is the GOP freak out over the money that it will cost the US to help the UN maintain a no fly zone in Libya? Why is it okay to spend money to protect citizens in other countries but it is blasphemy to spend that same money on US citizens? To be clear, I agree with working with the national community to protect the citizens in Libya from forces loyal to Gaddafi, but I am not part of the element screeching over the deficit and the need to defund vital programs.
What pisses me off is the hypocrisy. It's alright to spend American dollars on military action in other countries, but not on programs that support our citizens here at home? It just boggles the mind.
It's the same when these holy rollers on the right get caught trolling craiglist for an affair, looking for prostitutes in men's restrooms or hitting on underage pages. It is extra infuriating when people who preach about morality so vehemently, get caught violating their own standards.
Crazy man, crazy.
Woman's cancer screenings, heating old people's homes, quality public access television & radio=Bad!
Tomahawk Missiles to bomb targets in Libya (killing a few civilians)=A-Okay!
 
Your priorities are showing.....

{Correction} Cutting the budget for subsidies for heating homes was actually an Obama administration idea. My bad, my bad. See, they ALL hate you.

Ridiculously Awesome Dance Party - String Cheese Incident

I love this as a love song. "I just want to say I love you, make sure you feel it every day." Sometimes you just gotta love a good jam bandy type love song.

Ridiculously Depressing

Some days, I just feel really sad. With my car breaking down, a cold settling in my chest and a feeling of generally being lost, I got into my car today after work and cried. A lot. I couldn't even tell you exactly why, none of this was new. It's almost worse to cry and not know why. It makes you feel like even more of an asshole-you don't even have a reason, so why?

I try to keep it in perspective. I try to remind myself of people who have it much worse or have what I deem a better reason to shed tears. But, sometimes I have to let myself feel sad too.

So I did. I let myself cry over the massive amounts of money I've dumped into my car over the last 6 months and how much more I will have to in the next weeks. I cried over loving where I work, but hating what I do there. I cried over not being in grad school and not knowing what to do. I cried over the feeling of being talentless. I cried because I am tired. I cried because it seems like everyone is in love and getting married and having babies and looking at houses and I still can hardly even get a mother fucker to take me on a proper date. I cried over the small stresses in life. I cried over the larger sense that things are not going how I thought they would. I cried for the overwhelming feeling of being 26, single, prospectless and still not knowing what I want to be when I grow up, despite the fact I'm grown.

Anyway, I had to let it all out. And make a mix drink.

Baby High Heels

This is a cute picture. A baby, clearly emulating what they have seen an adult do, slide on some high heels. It's like babies and too big sunglasses or hats, it is funny because it is something clearly for adults on a child.

Or so we thought. Check out this link for Heelarious, a site that sells high heels for babies or 'her first high heels':

http://www.heelarious.com/index.php

For some reason, I find this really disturbing .

Still a cute baby, but do we really want to do this to little girls? High heels are meant to be sexy-on a grown woman. In fact, isn't that the only reason for high heels-that they look hot? Otherwise, I can not imagine why we wear them.

It seems like people are forever lamenting how fast their children grow up. Why do this to your child then?

High heels are for big girls and a lot of the time big girls purposefully use them to look sexy and slutty. For reals, don't do this to your baby daughters.

Ridiculously Awesome - Supermoon

Saturday night's full moon will be what astronomers call a supermoon. Sounds awesome, right? What it means is that the moon will be full and will pass the closest it has to earth in 18 years. Shit is gonna look bigger in the sky. Check it out and appreciate your place in the universe.

Ridiculously Sad - No President Hillary Clinton

Lifted directly from an interview of Sec. of State Clinton and Wolf Blitzer:

Q- If the president is reelected, do you want to serve a second term as secretary of state? No
Q- Would you like to serve as secretary of defense?
No
Q- Would you like to be vice president of the United States?
No
Q- Would you like to be president of the United States?
No
Q- Why not?
Because I have the best job I could ever have. This is a moment in history where it is almost hard to catch your breath. There are both the tragedies and disasters that we have seen from Haiti to Japan and there are the extraordinary opportunities and challenges that we see right here in Egypt and in the rest of the region. So I want to be part of helping to represent the United States at this critical moment in time, to do everything I can in support of the president and our government and the people of our country to stand for our values and our ideals, to stand up for our security, which has to remain first and foremost in my mind and to advance America's interests. And there isn't anything that I can imagine doing after this that would be as demanding, as challenging or rewarding.

Q- President of the United States?
You know, I had a wonderful experience running and I am very proud of the support I had and very grateful for the opportunity, but I'm going to be, you know, moving on.

Q- I asked my viewers and followers on Twitter to send questions and a lot of them said, "Ask her if she'll run in 2016 for the presidency." A lot of folks would like to you to do that.
Well that's very kind, but I am doing what I want to do right now and I have no intention or any idea even of running again. I'm going to do the best I can at this job for the next two years. http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/16/clinton-running-for-president/

I was Hillary Clinton for President long before I jumped on the Obama bandwagon (which I did more out of a sense of duty as a Democrat than anything else). Her conduct as Secretary of State has only reinforced my view of her as a smart politician with Presidential style. President Obama has been sort of a disappointment, though I try to remind myself he has made great strides in a pretty toxic political environment. I still think Sec. Clinton would've made a better President. And for sure would not have let any anti-choice language slip into a healthcare law.

 How I wish she would change her mind. She is an assertive, smart, classy and ballsy lady, a great role model for all women.

Ridiculously Awesome Advice from Lil Wayne

Hi guys

"Look good for the public, leave the drama in the Rolls Royce."
Lil Wayne - Receipt

I don't have a Rolls, I push a Buick, but the thought still applies. You ever been around a couple fighting? Everyone just kind of freezes. There is then this period of time where the vibe is just really tense. It fucks things up, especially on the weekends when you are trying to have fun. You people ruin bars.

So, take it from Wayne, cause he knows a thing or two about being classy. Leave the drama at home. We don't wanna see that. 

Ridiculously Funny - Sassy Gay Friend

Every woman should have at least 1 sassy gay friend. I got like 6. They are the best. For real.

Ridiculously Awesome Picture

My sister 'Liked' this site on Facebook and I LOVED the profile picture for this group. No gods, no masters, no bosses, no boyfriends. I like how she has a molotov cocktail. Bad bitches make me happy.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/NO-BOSSES-NO-BOYFRIENDS

The Greek System in Colleges and Soy Sauce

I'm not a huge fan of fraternities and sororities. Frororities, as I call them, so I don't have to say both words. The girls buy each other presents and the men do stupid shit in the name of....friends? I'll make my own thank you.

Then I found this article:

University of VA Fraternity Pledged Hospitalized After Soy Sauce Dare


Drinking enough soy sauce to knock your electrolytes out of whack thus causing a seizure. Jebus. I didn't even know that was possible. I bet none of those kids did either. I don't get it though. Frororities make people jump through all sorts of hoops to join, to the point where 'hazing' is a serious concern at all universities. Who wants to do these things? Is it really worth it? Is it THAT cool to be Greek? Cause I had a lot of fun in college and I NEVER set foot in a frat party (personal point of pride).

And I always knew it, but this is a violent reminder - The sodium content in soy sauce is fucked up.

Michele Bachmann

Just keep in mind that this woman is eying a run for the presidency.

Let me qualify, I love that women are receiving the sort of celebrity status that is usually reserved for male politicians. I think it is great that two women are thinking of running for the presidency. But, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, though? Ah! They make all vaginae (that's what spell check took vaginas to) look dumb. Hilary Clinton was demonized, but these dumb bitches get elevated to star status? They like you dumb, ladies.

Oh Michele. Rep. Bachmann (R-Minnesota) accidentally said, in prepared remarks, that the battles of Lexington and Concord took place in......wait for it.....New Hampshire. Someone could use a little Schoolhouse Rock history: 

You are welcome for reminding you of that video.

To be fair, they don't say Massachusetts. But, I thought everyone knew Boston was in that state. That may be too much to ask.

Her response to her oopsie?:

So I misplaced the battles Concord and Lexington by saying they were in New Hampshire. It was my mistake, Massachusetts is where they happened. New Hampshire is where they are still proud of it! And by the way... That will be the last time I borrow President Obama's tele-promoter!

Ooooooo, so presidential and mature. Scared yet? Challenge President Obama to a debate, please girl. Who is betting on Michele for a good showing?....Anyone?....Anyone?.....Me neither.

Let's not forget that this is the woman who also thought that the founding fathers eradicated slavery....yea....about that 3/5ths compromise....Did you read the Constitution? Or are you just talking out your ass, Rep. Bachmann?

My sister Maureen's opinion is "She's probably not even human. She acts like a fucking robot." I agree. 

Only, is that mean to robots? I mean, they would have historical facts programmed in, I would hope. Phillip K. Dick's androids would totally kick Bachmann ass (like that reference, huh?).

11 Year Olds Asking For It (Rape)

Click Here for the story I am about to rant about.

An 11 year old girl gets gang raped by 20 men in Texas and the paper printed as part of the story this reaction-

"Maturity or not I'm pretty sure she knew what she was doing," Robin Smith, 24, a cashier in Cleveland, said as she shopped this week.

I'll pause for your stunned silence. 

The "she was asking for it" rape defense is nothing new. She was too drunk, dressed too slutty, had a reputation. All ways to absolve men of culpability for their actions and instead put the onus on women, cause, you know, men can't control themselves so don't "ask for it". While it is disgusting, I am used to hearing people try to defend the violent crime that is rape with "she was asking for it."

But are we really so fucked up as a society that we are going to apply this to children too? Do people really hate women THAT much? I understand the reality that children grow up fast today, but she is ELEVEN. It sickens me that a media outlet would print a "she was asking for it" reaction. What message does that send to our children? To adults who rape children? How far can we go with this? Do we need to quickly cover up 2 year olds who take off their diapers in case some man sees them and rapes them, because their genitals were out so they were asking for it? Fucked up, but that is the line of reasoning presented here.

Let's stop making excuses for individuals who perpetuate violent crimes. Rape is not about sex and it isn't aggravated by anything the VICTIM does. Rape is a violent crime committed by violent and sick in the head people. Fuck you if you are a rapist and fuck you if you are a rapist apologist. No one asks for it.

Ridicously Funny - Drinking Outta Cups

This is perhaps one of the most hilarious YouTube videos I have ever seen. "Mr. Walkway. Mr. Walk down me, I'm the walkway. Lead me to the building. Fuck you."

Even my mom thinks this is hilarious despite how dirty it is.

Bodybuilders

Ick. On what planet is this even attractive? I understand wanting to be fit and toned, but come on. Do you want to be that jacked? How do you just wake up one morning and say to your self-I want muscles bigger than Hell Boy's (like that reference?)? Would you bang this lady? I would be scared her vagina would break my penis off (if I had one). At least she doesn't have to worry too much about sexual assault or being mugged or something. Except from other bodybuilders.If I saw this chick on the street, I definitely would not mess with her. 

I wouldn't touch this dude with a ten foot pole. Is that even real? I can't decide. Ew, his veiny arms straight up give me the heebie jeebies. Just by looking at this you can't help but wonder what his junk looks like. Not in any perverse way, just in a purely WTF I gotta see this way.
I am going to start exercising less, just to avoid this problem. Also, I will stop taking steroids.

The History Tied With Being White

If watching Dances with Wolves doesn't make you hate yourself for being white, there is something fucking wrong with you. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my pale ass and I think "Damn, for sure some of my ancestors were probably horrible human beings." Just the men though, that's a comforting thought.

Newt Gingrich

In addition to his politics sucking, Newt Gingrich sucks at life. His hypocrisy as a Christian Conservative is pretty glaring in the face of his multiple marriages and adultery.  Here was his response when asked about his daliances:

"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."-Newt

That's right America, Newt Gingrich loves you soooooooooo much that he had to cheat on his wives.  He can't keep his dick in his pants because he loves America and would like to stick his dick into everything American. That makes sense, most Republicans seem like they want to fuck you or at least fuck you over.

Non-Religious People Who Give Up Stuff For Lent

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I know this, because it was on my calendar. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent. In the Catholic tradition (the way I was brought up), Lent is a time of prayer and self denial. You give something up. It is supposed to symbolize the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert fasting before starting his public ministry.

I broke my addiction to Nintendo as a child by giving it up for Lent and then right after getting grounded from it, probably for hitting Maggie (she usually had it coming). But I digress.


I hear all these people talking about what they are giving up for Lent, which is cool if you are into it. But a lot of these people aren't really that religious. One person discussing her plans to give up potato products for lent actually said "I haven't been to Church since Christmas." Then what is the point? You want to make God happy now? Just right around when his Son died, cause, you know, it is a rough time of year for him? I haven't been to church since Christmas either, but I am also not getting on the Lent bandwagon. Forty days of self denial does not make up for a year of not going to church, nor does attending only on Christmas and Easter. If you really believed, wouldn't you believe that God saw your hypocrisy? Don't half ass your faith. It kind of just makes a mockery of it and organized religion does a good enough job at mocking itself with out the help of supposed followers.

All or nothing, ladies and gentlemen. Balls to the wall.

People Who Don't WALK on Escalators

To qualify, I am on an escalator every day since there is one at work, so maybe I am hyper sensitive to the issue. But I fucking hate it when people who aren't old or disabled just STAND on the escalator.

Did you forget that you have feet? That they can move you too while the escalator moves you and thus you go twice as fast? It speaks volumes on how lazy so many people have become. Like the tools who hold shit up in parking lots waiting for the closest possible space to open up, we are becoming a society of people who hate to move.
Just move your ass on the escalator, okay?

Ridiculously Awesome Quote

"Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." -- R.A. Dickson

BYU Honor Code

So, BYU suspended a basketball player for, get this, having premarital sex. It violates their honor code. I personally don't think it is fair to ask a college level athlete to not have sex (have you met some of those guys? They get so much play) but it got me interested in just what this honor code was.

Here it is ladies and gentleman, lifted directly from the BYU Honor Code Office website

As a matter of personal commitment, faculty, administration, staff, and students of Brigham Young University, Brigham Young University—Hawaii, Brigham Young University—Idaho, and LDS Business College seek to demonstrate in daily living on and off campus those moral virtues encompassed in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and will

Be honest
Live a chaste and virtuous life
Obey the law and all campus policies
Use clean language
Respect others
Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse
Participate regularly in church services
Observe the Dress and Grooming Standards
Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code

Wow, just wow.

1. Be honest-Do white lies count?
2. Live a chaste and virtuous life - Not for the last decade, man.
3. Use clean language-Fuuuuuccccckkkk I can't even clean it up around little kids and my mom-full time? No way.
4. Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse-This basically says to me-abstain from all fun.
 5. Participate regularly in church services- I really can't miss Meet the Press on Sunday morning
6. Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code- And look like a pussy? I don't think so.

I am glad I went to good old Indiana University. I can't imagine what their honor code would be though. Maybe just don't be no bitch?

Old Man Burglar and Drugged Cakes

The economy has gotten pretty bad, not just in the US but around the world. You can tell when this happens, because there are more small crimes and B & E's. Like this old dude, who lives in Paris. He would make friends on the street and become acquaintances and then invite himself over for coffee and cake.  Not just any cake, one laced heavily with sedatives. Then he would rob them. Click here for the full story.

T's Advice - Never take candy OR cake from strangers.

Ridiculously Awesome - Advice from Lil Wayne

 Let's face it-Lil Wayne is a pretty cool guy.And he is on EVERY track I ever hear and I spend epic amounts of time listening to the radio since I don't have a CD player or any iPod hook up in my car. I feel like this makes me an expert. I also have a Lil Wayne Pandora station.

He is crazy. He says crazy things. He smokes weed and drinks cough syrup. I think he has some pretty great things to say about life in general. So, I would like to start a new thing here on Things That Are Ridiculous-Ridiculously Awesome Advice from Lil Wayne.

Here is your first gem:

"Got my heart broken by this woman named Tammy, but hoes gon' be hoes, so I couldn't blame Tammy."

-Lil Wayne feat Cory Gunz -6'7

You are right Wayne. If someone is acting trashy you can't expect them to be any better than what they are. Hoes gon' be hoes. Maya Angelou put it a bit more eloquently when she said "When people show you who they are, believe them."

Thanks Weezy F. Baby.

The Pressure to Get Married

Around Valentines Huffington Post dropped an article by Tracy McMillan (a writer for Mad Men) entitled "Why You're Not Married." It included a numbered list with such things as "You are a slut", "You are a liar" and "You are selfish." (Click Here to read) It caused a lot of controversy and pissed off a lot of single ladies who don't really like being being called names.

Click Here to read a great article written by Brienne Walsh-"An Open Letter to the women who are telling me it is my fault I'm not married", that was written as a response.

"I know it's my fault I'm not married. I know that in the future, if I don't get married, it will be my fault as well. And thanks to the advancements made by the women in the generation above me, it's my decision to make.
Because staying in a bad relationship just because it is heading towards marriage is like putting a plastic bag over your head, and just letting in enough air that you can stay alive."-Brienne Walsh

My sister Maggie once said to me "To be honest, I don't think I want to get married anymore. I've been thinking that it's this regime that promotes straight and narrow heterosexuality and nothing else... And sexuality is never that simple. So, fuck marriage anyway. Let's live off the grid, Theresa."

My sentiment exactly.

I would rather be single FOREVER than have to endure more time in a bad, loveless relationship. Having a man in your life does not guarantee some sort of other worldly happiness. I want my equal. I want a perfect match. And if I don't find that I am perfectly happy living out my life without that.

Plus, weddings are really fucking expensive and I can't even afford to put a CD player in my car.

Ridiculously Fabulous Quotes

"There was a period of time between the invention of birth control and the onslaught of AIDS where sex was fabulous and if you were lucky enough to be alive and single during that time, you enjoyed it."

-David Crosby

Governor Mitch Daniels (R-Indiana)

When asked "Are budget cuts-government budget cuts-worth it, even if they end up seriously costing a lot of jobs right now?" Governor Daniels responded "The answer is yes."

So, basically, they want to increase unemployment and slow economic growth while simultaneously fighting against the working (disappearing) middle class and fighting for tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans and corporations. However, it is the Republican party line at the moment. When informed that the GOP cuts to the budget would actually increase unemployment and slow economic growth according to most economists, Speaker of the House, John Boehner (R-Ohio) replied "So be it."

Does anyone making under $250,000 a year still think that the Republicans have their best interest at heart? They spent the whole of the 80's and 2000's wracking up impressive national debt and now, at a time of economic hardship for most Americans, they want to rein in spending despite the fact it will only make things harder for the poor and middle classes? Money is power and people who have money and power want to do everything they can to protect it and gain more. The Republican agenda for some time now has been to make the rich richer and the poor poorer. If you don't believe me just look at how wages have stagnated over the past 40 years for the working class, while an obscene amount of wealth has collected and stayed with the richest 2% of Americans.

Johnathan Cohn makes a good point here:

"But if the political future isn't clear to me, the policy future is. And it doesn't look bright. One way or another, federal spending both for the rest of 2011 and for 2012 is going to decline. Even in the highly unlikely event that Republicans were to cave completely, giving Obama everything he's requested in his budgets, valuable federal programs on which people depend, from home heating assistance to Pell Grants, would shrink starting next year. States, struggling to balance their own budgets, would make serious cutbacks of their own. And that's on top of the cuts already in the works.

 Just in the last few weeks, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has called for downsizing prisons and reducing Medicaid spending. North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue has proposed closing state parks, reducing school bus service, and zeroing out grants to the non-profits that fill in the gaps of the state's inadequate public services. Florida Governor Rick Scott has proposed to reduce spending on Everglades restoration and reduce spending on the public schools by roughly 10 percent per student. "

 I'm sure it isn't hard to tell who will be hit the hardest by these sorts of cuts.

Ridiculous Dance Party - The Joker

If you don't like this song, you're an ass hat.

I think the worst date I have ever been on was one during which this song came on and just as I was about to say "I love this song" the kid said "I hate this song". WTF? I am not even sure the dude was human if he didn't like this song. His name was August anyway, which is almost as lame as not liking Steve Miller Band.

Ridiculously Funny - Epic Meal Time

I'll let the alcohol infused cooking show speak for its self.

Breakfast of Booze 

Chili Four Loko 

Charlie Sheen

So this is what it looks like when you go off the rails on a crazy train....Charlie Sheen 2011.

If you have yet to watch it, here it is:

My favorite part is "I'm not bipolar, I'm bi-winning." Almost as good as "Can't is the cancer of happen."

He is demanding the rest of his money from the canceled episodes of Two and a Half Men (which used to be funny). He fired his publicist....after his publicist quit. And now he got a new tattoo. Block letters that read "Death from Above" featuring blood dripping onto an apple. Charlie explains:

"It's the banner from the death card that Kilgore [the Robert Duvall character] is throwing on his victims," he said on Alex Jones' radio show. "But also falling from it is the apple from [poet Shel Silverstein's] 'The Giving Tree.' There's my life. Deal with it."

Wow, just, wow. He got the idea while watching Apocalypse Now. I'm pretty sure I would quickly dismiss any idea I got while watching that movie, but I am also not bi-winning, so......
He is banned from the Warner Bros. Studio lot. When his father, Martin Sheen, expressed that he thought Charlie should go to AA, Charlie responded-"My conduct is bitchin, my condition is perfect."

The man is almost purely ego and an addict and rich and quite possibly bat shit crazy. It's really sad, but really, really funny to watch happen.

Shout out to my friend Susie, who suggested this ridiculousness. Feel free to pass along your ridiculous ideas to me!

People who tell you what to eat

I'm a vegetarian. People cringe when I tell them that. I swear they brace for attack, like I may jump all over them about health and animal cruelty (both totally important things). I'm not that kind of person. However, judging from the reactions I get, people are quite used to being preached to by my vegetarian and vegan friends.

And it goes both ways. Once, while out with friends for pizza, I simply said I would order something separate since they were sharing a pepperoni pizza. One man at the table, who I hardly even knew, was all over it like white on rice. He asked "You a vegetarian?" I responded affirmatively. "Why? Why do you even do that? You aren't making a difference. You aren't even more healthy than me. They have studies about how bad for you a vegetarian diet is." Jesus Christ dude.

Why do people do stuff like this? Food is so personal. It's akin to trying to tell someone who only wears bikini briefs that they are stupid for not sticking to thongs or a fair mix of both. It shouldn't matter to anyone else but you what underwear you wear or what your diet is (unless you are obese, in which case I'm sure your Dr. and family members are worried too). Live and let live. If you can't do that, you are probably a douche bag.