I'm OK, You're OK

It has arrived. The dreaded day for single folks. Last year I fell out of a chair and hit my head on a wall. I think I got drunk too. Probably. But, single Valentines day always makes me sad.

But not this year.

I feel....nothing. Not sad. Not lonely. Not jealous. For the following reasons:

1. I don't watch TV. Seriously. The first time I heard someone speak the words Valentine's was when Robert Inskeep said it on NPR this morning. No lame jewelry and card commercials were in my face, reminding me.

2. For reals, I don't know anyone who has a relationship that I would be dying to be in. Bad sex, distrust, distance, crazy, boredom, cheating..........I hear about it all. And it isn't making me want to be boo'ed up.

3. I've become somewhat anti-contrived corporate bullshit in my old age. Only so much I can handle. Valentine's Day is a made up holiday, by a card company, to exploit romantic love for financial gain. Commercializing love? Is there nothing you won't let them sell you?

4. No one really knows much about Saint Valentine, except that he was martyred and thought to be buried on Feb. 14. So, yea, let's celebrate love today.........?

There. See? I don't care and you shouldn't care.

I hate your fucking Facebook post

There is your funny. Now, lets get down to business.

I have Facebook, nothing else. Ok, I have Google+ to post jokes on.........that no one will ever see. I have Facebook so that I can judge people, stalk crushes and self promote my awesomeness.

But man, I am starting to fucking hate people's Facebook posts. The following are some things you can do to make me want to unfriend you:

-STOP POSTING PICTURES YOU TAKE OF YOURSELF. We get it. You think you look good in that photo. So, you posted it, with some stupid random musing or some self pitying I am so ugly shit in the hopes of receiving compliments. You know what it looks like? DESPERATE. And like you have no friends. If you did, they would take the picture for you. But, probably not post it because it would be creepy and weird and to be honest-they don't give a fuck. If your friends don't give a fuck, stop putting it on Facebook.

-STOP POSTING PREGNANT BELLY PICTURES YOU TAKE OF YOURSELF. See all of the above and then add that some shit is personal and should be left as such. Your 400 Facebook 'friends' don't want to see that shit. Send it to your baby daddy.

-STOP TAGGING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER'S NAME IN EVERYTHING. We get it, you have a significant other. But, I don't give a fuck that you are at the store together. You don't need to tag him/her in a status that says you had a great night together. WHAT THE FUCK? Why don't you just tell that other person? When you blow up Facebook with your relationship the message sent is that you need everyone to know it so that they will think more of you, you need self validation from your relationship. You need counseling. Not a significant other and a Facebook account.

-STOP SHARING THAT HORRENDOUS PICTURE OF A SAD CHILD WITH SOME WEIRD DISEASE. Facebook won't donate $1 and you are a fucking idiot.

-STOP WITH THE HASHTAGS. I can tell in your status you are not linking to a Twitter feed. Facebook isn't Twitter.

There. And that is a the short list. For fuck sake, use Facebook wisely.

A little Friday LOL

Meet your future husband at the grocery store? LIES.

So, I read a lot of stuff on the interwebs. The other day I came across an article stating that some 10% or something of people meet their spouses in the grocery store. I am just throwing this out there, but that is a fucking lie.

At least for me it is. I go to the grocery lookin tore up. I wear the things I affectionately title my house pants (used to belong to my cousin.........who is 6'2) and smoking shoes (10+ year old Vans). Combing hair is optional. Make up, never required.

And if I am not in my why are these seeing the light of day clothes, I am in my work clothes. But I can't imagine anyone would want to talk to me. There are only one of two reasons I would be at the grocery in my work clothes. 1. I am really, really fucking hungry and I am about to go home and KILL whatever is in my basket. 2. I really, really need a drink. In both scenarios, people are safer to stay the hell out of my way.

How does one even hit on someone in a grocery store? I see you also buy the off brand Kroger yogurt....have you tried the new banana cream pie? Lame. Plus, most people need a little booze to chat anyway. And while you can go to the grocery store drunk (it's an adventure), it isn't exactly socially acceptable.

Which brings me here in my stream of conscience-happy hour at the grocery store. For real, they should encourage people chatting and drinking. Maybe throw in a food demonstration. Who wouldn't love a socially acceptable way to treat their local grocery like a bar?

I hope it happens in my lifetime.

So much going on!!!!!!

Rick Perry drops out of the race!

Endorses Newt!

Santorum actually won Iowa! 

Debate tonight at 8pm!

South Carolina primary on Saturday!!!

I bet Santorum is pissed that he didn't get the Perry endorsement. The anti-Romney conservatives have been encouraging the coalescence of the conservative right vote behind ONE non-Romney candidate.  It will be Newt v. Santorum in the fight for that mantel. Since endorsements don't hold quite the sway they used to, it will be interesting to see whether Perry supporters throw their weight behind Newt or Santorum. Newt is polarizing and a career politician. Santorum is staunchly conservative, but his Pennsylvania coal mining Union roots are off putting.

Such an exciting day for nerds!

http://sopastrike.com/strike/

http://sopastrike.com/strike/

Predictions for 2012

Mitt Romney will be the nominee. But will not win the Presidency.

The world won't end.

I won't throw up.

Indiana becomes a right to work state.

Packers win the Super Bowl.

Lindsay Lohan goes to Rehab.

Skinny Jeans go out of style

There you have it. 2012. In a nutshell.